不知不觉我退下职场“战袍”也快三年了，半年前希妹报到，加上疫情的关系，一家四口全天候都待在家对于半职的我来说确实很挑战。不过，幸好我有个超神的队友，虽然希爸也该付出，可能鸡皮疙瘩会掉满地但我还是由衷感恩他愿意分担职责！
偶尔听到朋友赞叹全职妈妈很伟大时，我反倒觉得每个妈妈为自己孩子家庭所给的付出、所做的牺牲绝对不亚于任何人。
记得几年前我曾读过这两封信的中文版，刚刚又看到朋友的转分享后还是万分感触。好奇心驱使之下便找出原作者 Dr. Carolyn Ee 的原著英文版 “A Letter from A Working Mother to a Stay-at-Home Mother, and Vice Versa“。从中得知原来 Dr. Carolyn 是一名全科医生，她和丈夫育有两个孩子，这是她于 2014 年 2 月返回医院全职工作同个月份发布的作品。基于自己是妈妈也是医生的身份，这两封信写得特别地深入人心，到现在一样还是被疯传着！原著其实写得很精彩，或许你也可以点击下面的小标签读读看它们是否也让你意犹未尽了？
致亲爱的全职妈妈
你好。
常常有人质疑你一天到晚在家做了什么，为家做出了什么贡献我知道，因为我也是一个妈妈，有一段时间，我做着你每天都在重复的工作。
很多人都认为你没有赚钱，但是我知道，你的这份工作带来的实际价值远远超过表面上看到的那些。很多人周末和夜晚都能好好休息和放松一下，但是我知道你全年无休。上班的人还有下班的时间，而你根本没有结束的终点。这份工作，从你早上醒来那一刻开始，一直持续到临睡前，甚至都还没结束。
很多人以为你不用上班，没什么压力，但是我知道你的时间总是被打散，精力也要被迫分成很多份，还不得不时时刻刻转移注意力，你永远都无法指望可以一口气完成一件事，更别提完整地看一场电影，尽情地逛一次街，毫无牵挂地旅一次游。
很多人以为你在家，可以想休息就休息，但是我知道你压根没有任何可以停下来的时间。即便你只有一个孩子，即便他白天可以小睡几次，可你依然还有做不完的事。这份工作看起来像是一个永无休止的循环——买菜，洗菜，煮饭，给孩子喂饭，把掉在地板上的食物清理干净，洗碗，哄睡，然后3、4个小时之后再重复，一个晚上过去，新的一天继续进行类似的步骤。
我知道，你幻想着能有一个小时给自己，安静放松地享受一顿午餐，或者睡个午觉。我知道，有时候你甚至羡慕那些上班的朋友，因为他们有时间可以休息一下，聊聊天，吃吃零食。
我知道，你的老公下班回到家会想放松一下，看个电视打个游戏，不幸的是，此刻也正是你最需要休息的时候。他自己很累，有时没有察觉到你也很辛苦。
我知道，有很多人误解你，在他们眼中，你就是在家看看电视，偶尔给孩子换换尿片而已。你的一些朋友不知道全天候照顾一个年幼的孩子有多难。
我知道，当你还未结婚生子的时候，你经济独立、不依附任何人，像现在的其他人一样期待着星期五的下班时间，而如今的周五对你来说没有任何意义，因为每天都是一样的——在家重复做着无薪的工作。
全职妈妈，我不知道你是如何做到的，我佩服你无尽的耐心，积极对待每一天的心态，即使孩子让你筋疲力尽，你还是能让他们感受到生活的快乐。我佩服你所有的付出，只要他们呼唤，你就能马上出现在他们身边。即使生活不易，你也想尽办法坚持下去，我佩服你的不求回报，没有感谢，没有掌声没有薪水没有奖励。
大家都希望孩子能生活在被关注的条件下，在爱中尽情成长，而我知道，全职妈妈，没有人比你做得更好，我只是想让你知道我理解你。
我们都是母亲，我懂。
同一阵营里的
职场妈妈
原版 – 英文 A Letter from Working Mum to SAHM
Dear Stay-At-Home Mum
Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I’m a mum and for a while I did it too.
I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn’t even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.
I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don’t get any down time when you’re on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.
I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle – you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.
I know you fantasise about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it’s all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears.
I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.
SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.
I just wanted you to know that I understand. We’re both mothers. And I know.
Love from the trenches
Working Mum
致亲爱的职场妈妈
你好。
我知道有时候，很多人会苛责你，认为你把孩子交给了别人照顾。
但是我知道，因为爱孩子，所以你想待在家里，也因为爱孩子，所以你更想努力拼搏一番。你对孩子的爱，跟天下的妈妈是一样的。
我每去一个地方，都能看到这样的你。当我们的孩子生病时，你可能是我带他去看的那个儿科医生，你可能是我送孩子去幼儿园时，常常笑脸相迎的老师；你可能是每次我去超市采买时，结算收银的店员；你可能是我偶尔打包外卖那家店的老板…… 很难想象，如果没有你们的存在，我们的世界将会变成什么样子。
我知道，做出重返职场这个决定并不容易。早在孩子预产期之前，你就深思熟虑，权衡利弊了你衡量过每一份工作，看它是否适合你的家庭状况。我知道，你可能在陪了一整夜哭闹的孩子之后，还没睡几个小时，就要在清晨出席一个重要会议。我知道，当你在工作时，为了给孩子一份安全的口粮，还得辛苦地背奶。有时工作的地方没有母婴室，但你依然「喂」爱坚持。外人只看到你一天大部分时间没有陪在孩子身边，却不理解你是如何打理家务，还能同时兼顾工作的，你回到家，做晚饭，给孩子们洗漱，讲故事给他们听，直到他们安心入睡；你利用一切剩余时间，去洗衣服、刷碗，就像其他妈妈做的一样。
我知道，你时常因为不能花太多时间陪伴孩子而内疚，所以你不惜牺牲掉工作之外的所有休闲时间。为了能按时下班，你在工作的时候不会浪费一分钟，同事闲聊之时，你专注在自己的工作上。你不介意这样高强度的工作，毕竟是自己的选择，你希望有所付出，有所收获。我知道，当孩子生病时，你不惜被扣工资，也要请假在家照顾他。或许你心底的某一部分正在告诉你，这是一个难得的与孩子好好相处的机会。
我知道，有时你对于自己无法一直在孩子身边而内疚自责，但是，职场妈妈，我真的为你感到骄傲，你为你的孩子树立了一个了不起的女性榜样，你向他们展示一个女人精彩的一面。女人也可以有自己的事业，女人也可以在家以外的地方发光。你用行动告诉女孩们，女人可以做任何她们想做的事。你代表着力量，奉献，坚韧，你在工作中专注投入，在家庭中付出一切，带着全然的爱去努力生活。
我只是想让你知道，我理解你。
因为我们都是母亲，我懂。
同一阵营里的
全职妈妈
原版 – 英文 A Letter from SAHM to Working Mum
Dear Working Mum
I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don’t love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it’s best for children to be at home with their mothers.
How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.
I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You’re my child’s allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You’re the physiotherapist who treated my husband’s back. You’re the accountant who does our tax returns. My son’s primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter’s gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn’t been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother’s place had to be in the home?
I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.
I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can’t bring yourself to take a “day off” for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your “time off” for now. I know that when you are at work you don’t waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don’t go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.
I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.
I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.
I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we’re both mothers.
Love from the trenches
Stay-At-Home Mum
话说回来，其实我这个半职懒妈咪带娃的方式有点随性，不过至今我还是很自我感觉良好的。对现阶段的我而言时间管理还是件不可能的任务，除了陪伴她俩姐妹和打理琐碎家务之外，一点 Me Time 我就刷刷手机、上上课、读读文章、聊聊天、甚至有时还是可以胡思乱想一番。或许是因为半职，我没有忘了“打理”我自己的关系吧？当然孩子家庭很重要，但是每天也得自我提醒一定要照顾自己、一定要过得开开心心的。偶尔一个人吃饭刷抖音、偶尔把厕所当客厅、偶尔来个沉浸式撸脸护肤，享受完毕后跟老公说一句“辛苦了，爱你哟！”
“妈妈”是一份需要不断学习的终身职业，无论我们在哪一个岗位上，不要事事要求太完美，适当的时候让自己喘一口气。一辈子，可以很长也可以很有限，育儿这条路既然要走我们就选择愉悦地走完它。希望你也很快可以抛开愧疚与自责，找到让自己安心、不焦虑的育儿方式吧！
妈妈们，辛苦喽！
Mommy Transforms 